Tough Cookie
From Falsipedia
Tough Cookie(s)
After a rousing success with their Soft Batch Cookies®, Keebler®'s famous elves went on what one observer referred to as "a bender." Ernie was quoted as saying "I could put fudge circles on a brick and those morons would buy them." This incident was credited as the birth of the short lived and violently reviled Keebler® Tough Cookies.
The week they were released, there was a Grocers Panic, as a sweets mad public bought what were billed as the "Longest Lasting Cookie Ever." As the public tore into the cookies, noted cookie critic, The Monster, discovered "a cookie with which I could pave." The public was outraged, and the second Grocers Panic occurred as the fickle public attempted to return the inedible cookies to the stores where they were purchased. The stores stopped accepting returns and referred people to the cookie company.
After three days of intense negotiating, Ernest L. Fudge®, the de facto leader of the the Elves declared "There will be no refunds for the Tough Cookies. They're f@%#in' Tough Cookies!" Nearly instantly, Tough Cookies became synonymous with the concept of a callous rejection of a request for reasons which will not be explained.
The birth of the singular Tough Cookie was created a few weeks later by a large man named Charles Demoan. Mr. Demoan had purchased a case of the Tough Cookies, and decided the only use of the the baked good was an implement of revenge. After committing mass Elfocide, he was convicted of murdering 5 elves employed at the magic tree with a single Tough Cookie. After this crime, he was sentenced to death, but not before the press dubbed him Charles "Tough Cookie" Demoan. Though few people condoned his actions, many were internally satisfied with the poetic justice of the entire event.
It has also been noted that the childhood nickname of the former Heavyweight Champion of the World Mike Tyson was Tough Cookie.
Ernest L Fudge, Keebler, Soft Batch and who knows how many other words and phrases are Registered Trademarks by Kraft Foods or some other portion of the hydra-esque multinational conglomerate. The names are used here as humor. Which is funny, since many large corporate entities have no sense of humor.
