Nebraska

From Falsipedia

The state of Nebraska is part of the Great Plains region of the United States of America.

The People of Nebraska

The people who live outside of the largest city in the state, Omaha, tend to resent Omaha. Conversely, a good many people in Omaha resent those outside the city. Up until recently the players of the Nebraska Cornhusker football team were excluded from any large scale resentment. This exclusion has began to crumble as the increasingly fickle fans have realized that Cornhuskers are not destined by the divine to play in a major bowl game every year.

Other than mutual loathing, the people of Nebraska share several beliefs. Nearly all Nebraskans, that is how they refer to themselves, think drivers from the closest bordering state are idiots. Most Nebraskans who have never been to a city with a real college town atmosphere (see Iowa City, IA or Lawrence, KS) often mistake Lincoln for a college town. Nebraskans also find it hilarious when people from other states see the name of the Knights of Ak-Sar-Ben and do not realize that AkSarBen is Nebraska spelled backwards.

Nebraska Politics

Many people say Nebraska is a red state, but it is more than just the game day outfits of Husker fans. As one travels from the western border to the eastern border the state goes from really, really, really red to just kind of really red. Despite prevalent rumors to the contrary, Democrats do exist in certain areas of Nebraska, but mainly in certain areas of the Omaha metropolitan area. Their main habitat is east of 72nd street and north of L street. There are still rumors of Democrats in the wild in other parts of the state.

Nebraska is also home to Lee Terry, the US House of Representatives member voted most likely to be Dan Aykroyd playing a one-dimensional character with a bad wig. Lee Terry is most proud that he named two of his children, Nolan and Ryan, after professional baseball player Nolan Ryan. He also referred to the sectarian violence as "sectional violence" in his one debate with an opponent in his 2006 re-election bid. Apparently that idea of fighting couches must have been amusing enough to the electorate as he was re-elected to continue his one-man-dance of unmitigated douchery.

Fun Facts About Nebraska Cities and Towns

• Omaha is viewed by those in rural areas of Nebraska as the devil's city. People from any city the same size or larger than Omaha tend to snicker when they hear this.
• Omaha has a zoo that is considered one of the best in the United States in all areas except available parking.
• Lincoln was originally designed by Young Republicans to simulate a working college town
• Lincoln, not Omaha, is the capital of Nebraska
• Norfolk is pronounced Norfork by the residents of the town, they blame a Dutch map maker, but haven't gotten off their asses to get it fixed. The motto of the city is "Yeah, we've got candles, but we really just prefer swearing at the darkness."
• Wahoo is a place that is fun to say, however living in it is decidedly less fun.
• Ogallala seems fun until you find out that they have a monthly meeting (first Monday of each month) of the Cemetery Board. Don't forget to RSVP!
• Ogallala's "featured crimes of the month" for February 2008 included vandalism of the Safeway store (again) by someone who likes to paint Peril in large letters. In addition to this crime, over $150 in damages were done to mailboxes by someone shooting them with shotguns.
• North Platte gives out the Cody Scout award to outstanding citizens. No details were provided on the criteria, however the city's motto is "A city on the move!" which suggests perhaps it is awarded when prominent citizens leave the city.