Law
From Falsipedia
The law is a series of suggestions and advice, given by special advice columnists commonly referred to as legislators. Laws are decreed on several levels such as international, federal, state, county, local, familial and many others. People who are really dedicated to making other people follow advice are called police, you can tell who they are because they wear shiny badges. Freelance advice columnists who specialize in making existing and accepted advice support a certain situation or premise are called lawyers.
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History of law
Types of Law
To satisfy the needs of advice columnists, often called lawyers, a number of different types of law have been created. An overview of a few important ones are provided for your enlightenment.
International law includes topics such as when it is acceptable to oppress poorer nations, who gets to bribe officials for multinational events and whether or not losers of wars get to keep anything valuable.
Constitutional law is primarily of interest to people who are interested in how to organize a government in three separate but equal parts (federal, state and local) and then three other separate but equal parts (executive, legislative and judicial).
Criminal law mainly passes on wisdom like "snitches are the lowest of the prison criminals" and "lawyer up before the cops start playing mind games." It also covers basic prison economics such as, one cigarette is equal in value to a fruit cocktail. In addition to the contained wisdom and economics, criminal law also covers tattoo selection and placement and a guide to joining major prison gangs.
Contract law gives advice on haggling and temper tantrums. There are timetables for when to walk out and when to sign. In October 2007 collections of contract law were sent to the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers and the Writers Guild of America. The WGA collection was never received and the AMPTP collection arrived, but the producers did not know how to read. The resulting strike is still ongoing as of year's end 2007. This incident has been held up as an example proving the importance of contract law.
Property law covers questions as diverse as "Why can't I paint my house with polka dots?" and "How tall can I let my grass grow before I am the biggest jerk on my block?" Property law also explains how to own a house, car, boat or piece of land. If you have a fruit tree on your property line and you are uptight, or your neighbors are, then you owe it to yourself to read up on property law before "the incident" happens.
Laws and You
While many people follow the advice in collections of Law, it isn't for everyone. If you are interested in conforming, then you may want to follow the Law Abiding Citizen mode of life. Law abiding citizens live their lives as advised by their local governments. Generally, to be considered a law abiding citizen you must avoid committing felonies. A felony is acting in a way which is contrary of the most revered pieces of advice in front of one or more people or in a way which could be discovered through investigation. Most people live life as law abiding citizens, however, there are other options.
One popular option is that of the Criminal. Criminals are people who protest laws by breaking specific laws that particularly bother them. For example, property law is a common choice, particularly the sections explaining when not to take things from other places. Criminals sometimes belong to professional organizations like Gangs, Mafias or Triads. Often criminals form communal living centers called Prisons or Jails. Because of the law-breaking, the communes are prone to strife.
Though less popular than criminals, the life of the Anarchist is another good choice. Anarchists do not like any advice. They feel the world would be better if no one shared their advice. Many anarchists are very similar to law abiding citizens, as the anarchist still lives by their own internal sense of what is appropriate. Some anarchists are actually criminals that want people to think they are unselfish. Some anarchists are law abiding citizens who want people to think they are dangerous or rebels. Anarchists, as a habit, do not form communes, though they do sometimes form professional organizations called Bands. On occasion a small group of anarchists (an anarchy) will discuss their contempt of law in an establishment such as a coffee house, a bar or Las Vegas.
Seemingly more present than criminals and anarchists combined are the the lawyers. Lawyers practice a massaging of the law in order to suit the needs of their benefactors. Lawyers are often seen in the company of criminals, but freely spend time with law abiding citizens as well. Any group can be a benefactor to a lawyer, much as any group could be an unwitting benefactor of a criminal. Sometimes, two lawyers will go to battle in the stead of two law abiding citizens in a specialized arena called a Court of Law, this is called litigation and is primarily a way to transfer wealth from non-lawyers to lawyers.
How Can I Write Laws?
To write laws in a democratic nation, one must simply convince a majority of the people in the area of your interest that you are attractive, that you are dynamic, that you hate people whose appearance is not mainstream, that you will or will not abort babies, that you will not raise taxes or, as a last ditch effort, that you are an intelligent and rational human being. Once you convince enough of those people through one or more of the listed arguments, then you can join a special club call a legislative body.
A legislative body is full of those special advice columnists, the ones called legislators. Once you have joined this club, you then argue with other people about what advice can be agreed on by a majority of the club members. Sometimes, legislators will add words to the advice which will give money to people who might help put them in the legislative body or to people who are their friends. These words are called pork. Once a little bit of advice and a whole lot of pork are put together, then the club votes. If there are more legislators that like it than those who don't, it is sent to an office of the executive branch of the government where it is either rubber stamped to indicate that it is a new law or vetoed to show that this advice is stupid and so are the legislators who wrote it. If this process sounds like fun, then you probably should write laws.
Quotes About the Law
"I am the law." - Judge Dread
"For certain people, after fifty, litigation takes the place of sex." - Gore Vidal
"I fought the law and the law won." - Sunny Curtis and the Crickets
"Good men must not obey the laws too well." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"No brilliance is needed in the law. Nothing but common sense, and relatively clean fingernails." - John Mortimer
