International Travel

From Falsipedia

International Travel is a complex mathematical system wherein the traveler attempts to make their money ($), desired destination (d), preferred origin (o), vacation time (v) and available travel dates (t) work with the air lines (a), random offers (r) and tourist seasons (s). At any one time, no more than half of these variables can be relied upon. A sample international travel problem looks a little like this:

If Joe wanted to go to northwestern Switzerland from America's great plains region during the first half of April, would Joe be better flying from his hometown of Omaha, driving to Kansas City or booking a flight to Chicago? For all three cities above, would Joe be better off flying into Basel, Mulhouse or Zurich? What about flying into one city and out from another? How about flying to London, Amsterdam, Frankfurt or Paris and then flying to Basel or Zurich? If Joe leaves on a Wednesday and returns on a Sunday is that better than leaving on a Tuesday and back on a Monday? How many consecutive days of work can Joe arrange to be off? Can Joe move dates slightly so the flight is in the off-season? If Joe waits for February to start will the fares continue to become more expensive or will a random offer appear that could decrease the tickets by hundreds of dollars? If Joe flies on an airline known to suck, is it worth the damage to his psyche to save $50 on a fare? Can Joe be sure without visiting every airline's site that he has obtained the best fare available?

At this time, it is not recommended that anyone attempt International Travel without an experienced guide, adequate hair to remove by pulling or a fully stocked liquor cabinet.